A good weird, but one that can be improved upon nonetheless. By the time we got the kids to bed, I can't say I was at my peak of the 'best mom' mountain. I wanted them to go to bed, I needed them to go to bed, and I didn't beat around any bushes displaying my "This Mumma needs her kids in bed, and wine in hand" tactics.
I have that Mom's guilt about it now, wanting to creep in each of their rooms, kiss there sleeping cheeks, breath in their rested breath, and promise I'll do better tomorrow night, but this isn't my first rodeo and I know better than that. So to ease my conscious, I'll promise to myself that tomorrow I'll just wake up early and have fresh muffins for them when they wake… depending on how many times I hit snooze.
I'm trying to 'do' better. I know it's the all time battle as a Mother, and I also know there is no achieving the "doing it all" badge, but I'm not convinced that their isn't something I can shift, focus, set in place, that wont make each day ending with that 'today was not wasted' feel, with a motivation that gets carried to the next morning, in turn making the moments of snowmen building, face painting, or random dance parties more rewarding. Leaving out the last minutes rush of desperately wanting to get any of it all, under control, before another hour is eaten into the already too little lotted sleep time. {As you can see, this being posted at 11:00, I've yet to figure that part out}
Right now, my mind is more in that mess of overhauling state right now, like when you redo a room in your house, every other room suffers the mess, before each area of clutter is given it's time to organize and then, somehow it all falls into place… or you forgot that whole point of the project, loose interest, and throw everything back to where it was before… I'm hoping the latter is the least likely to be settled in this time around.
Tomorrow we'll be hitting the Trick or Treat circuit, and in the case that it's too cold, and Nate and I decided to ditch the kids out early after all the important houses have been hit, I've stocked up on plenty of candy I've hidden in the cupboards, to distract them from the feeling of "Mom and Dad are depriving us of an experience". I've failed across the board with Halloween meals, where ghost shaped cheese has melted to look like anything but a ghost, and the only thing that made my pancakes look like pumpkins were that they were orange. I've got something up my sleeve for tomorrow night though, and I feel that I just might jinx the outcome if I mention it now.
I'm planning on kicking off November with another giveaway, which isn't anything fancy, over the top, or brag worthy, but it's just something that I think fits nicely with my own philosophies as a Mother and a month that's dedicated to the awareness of one's surrounding, and the people in it.
Until then… Happy Boo Day!
1 comment:
Oh Sam, you would not believe how I struggled with the same thing when my kids were growing up. Cried many times thinking I am not a good mother. Felt like I was the only one who ever felt that way. Just do what you can and all will fall into place.
Karen
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