28

I love candles being blown out, singing the cheerful songs, and making birthdays as special as the person celebrating them. I welcome any and all birthday…... except my own. I would rather January 25th pass unnoticed, waste no time on a celebration of this day. I've always had a dread of turn 30 and still do (prepare yourself for that train wreck 2 years from today) but recently it's any birthday signifying another year in my life collected in the past.

(Thank you everyone at playgroup for being so thoughtful!)

I don't mind the white hairs that seem to mingle friendly with the red. The now soft wrinkles in all the best places, that as they deepen, display a life spent with laughter and love.  Thought I want to live forever, the realistic outcome is nothing I fear.

How would I justify this dread of January 25th? Why exactly do I feel the urge to curl up in bed and cry the day away, while comforting myself with a tub of frosting, hold the cake?

I love birthdays, espeically the kids. I love celebrating the day that marks the birth of something amazing. I love making birthdays a big deal, counting down the days for a week, unwrapping the presents they don't need, and loving the excitement of this year being 1, being 3, being 9. It's a big deal in this house and I want it that way. My birthday, however, makes me step back and realize another year has passed that my babies have grown. I was 19 when I had Wesley, I am 28 today. The concept of time's quick passing, is only recognized by the day I get a year older. 

Today is the day that carries me into tomorrow, taking me further away from right now.
I want Wesley's biggest worry to be if he can play video games before bed, I want Calvin's biggest decision to be if he feels like putting clothes on for the day, and I want Josephine's tears to only be cried because she's ready for bed. I want my sleepless nights to be spent rocking teething babies. I want right now.
Forever.

While expressing this new revolution to a friend today, she quoted a favorite lyric she heard in a song by saying, "I have no concept of time, other than it is flying by".
Today, January 25th, is my yearly reminder, time is flying by.