Fill It Up

I don't have much to write. The creativity part of me is withholding, and the more I try to rally, I feel it burying in deeper, wanting to be left alone, asking for me to be patient, stop pushing, enough over thinking, stop trying to force something that usually comes so easily. And I get it, I want to wait, because free flowing is more pure, more polished, but the part of me that centers my perspective while encouraging self growth craves it.  

Bottom line, my creativity is repressed, I'm grasping, bare with me in my processing.

I'm excited about new happening in my personal life, encouraged by the beautiful lives that flourish in this house, and have been in a position of stability in a story that is not mine to tell, consumed just the same. With all that's happening, there should be so much to tell, so much to evaluate, self awareness heightened. 

I'm happy, I'm excited each day, and my typical life loving self, little has surfaced in negativity needing reflection, and I'm steadied in my rolls. Things have been exhausting in some areas of my life and equally invigorating in others. If one could be lost in a very existing way, I'm there.

Spiritually, I've been anchored in the only way ones spirituality can when you're not necessarily looking for it to. Fully zen settled. I find myself seeking out my more positive of friends, dwelling in the very qualities that make me thankful they are in my life, yet, the more negative friends are around, but less work is needed to counter them. I'm presently unhurried harboring no guilt while indulging a little deeper in the fibers of life's good. Milking the last of the snowy days for quality bed time, unhurried time, unusually calm time.

I have goals I want to achieve with realistic timelines. Less than savory times have been presented, my support given and two cents spoken, but the work is not mine to commit in the end's result. My motivation is high and am finding a balance nicely. Things are not perfect, no more or no less than anytime before. I'm energized, aware my grass is green, underwhelmed in life's chaos, with no worry of when the other shoe will drop. A feeling of nothing and at the same time something. Similar to the feel in a state of wait, with no timer set.

I'm content…
I'm uninspired...*light bulb* …and ladies…here lies the answer in my process.  For me, when inspiration is lacking, compliancy settles, experiences lost, and days stunted…"Contentment consist not in adding more fuel, but in taking away some fire" -Thomas Fuller-

And with that…it's time to fuel the fire…