Reluctant Ending

Like most recent Monday mornings, this morning was spent hovered over my weekly planner, briefing myself on the weeks 'do's, with a hot coffee in hand, basking in the morning's ease. The realization that my life now centers around referencing my scheduled calendar was countered by the relief that with Patten Pioneer days being done, all of the outwardly self-obligated summer's 'must do's have been checked, from what once was a long list of summer 'want to do's.

Just as quick as the relief came, the panic of school starting struck… like a cat being lowered into a washtub, arms and legs instantly extended, face scrunched and pulled to the side, I began bracing myself for the resistance of the inevitable… summer vacation's end.

This is something, I've been processing all day. I'm completely conflicted by it all. I'm not ready for the task of waking grouchy Wesley in the morning, making it to the bus in just enough time, the rush of how quickly the days go, the daylight shortened, the cold intrudes. But, at the same time, there is a part of me that wants to be rooted in the routine of Monday-Friday with the leisure of whatever weekends. The early to bed for the kids, quiet late nights for me, days with designated dinners, at a predictable time, around a family surrounded table.

Our summer check list hasn't been fully marked, and the simple things our area has to offer, seem to be the hardest for us to experience. The end of full time play is in sight, and as much of me that wants to avoid it, I can't ignore the part of me that is ready to nestle back into the structured days that come with the start of the school season.

So I'm focusing my thoughts closer to home these next two weeks, working in the play of our surrounding wonders, while merging in the structure of agenda like days. Hoping to alleviate the initial resistant, that this morning brought with the realization, of vacation fast approaching end.

Tonight, I've found some resolution with that fact…

kind of.