Food Fight {and not the fun kind}

Last night, I lost my cool with Wesley. Over the same thing, I always lose my temper on with him… food.

I don't mind he is particular with his food…. Through out the week, I typically ask him if he would like to try the red pepper I'm cutting, the kiwi I'm slicing, or the sauce I'm stirring.

Every time the answer it no… and that's ok.

I plan ahead, every meal, and make sure there is at least one item Wesley can satisfyingly eat.

Some nights, I serve him well with a full plate of the same meal, different presentation…. When making a {rest of the} family favorite, stir fry, I pull from the pan, salted {no peppered} pieces of cooked chicken, before adding other spices…I save a hand full of raw carrots, before sautéing them with the other veggies… and I put aside a bowl of rice, before topping it with the rest… Did I mention, none of this food can touch… preferable on different plates…. and need their own utensils to be eaten with?

I will not cook a completely different meal, but do encourage any leftovers to be heated up and always have the makings for peanut butter & jelly or non-sugared cereal, as a standby.

I also make sure to remind Wesley, that if he chooses to be limited in his food intake then he is also limited to food choices, outside this house, and he can not {and will not} expect others to cater to him.

He will not make a fuss about other's offerings, instead he will adapt and settle for the extra effort I go for him, by keeping a zip lock bag, in his locker, full of peanut butter crackers, incase of a last minute school lunch menu change or by throwing granola bars into his book bag, when he goes to a friends house, just incase.

And though at times it's annoying, when I forget and throw garlic in with the chicken and have to scrap it off every individual piece, before he notices or roast the broccoli too much that every piece has at least one crispy part of in… but I do it, none the less, with little more than just a heavy sign and the occasional eye roll.

Sometimes, like last night, when I'm just too tired to stay on top of my food game and can't put out more effort for his food fright… I bring the menu down to Wesley's preference… a basic, mundane, meal… and on these occasions, when I am meet with resistance, sulking, pouting, gagging, and a full on "woe is Wesley" mode, all because the chicken is cut differently than the way he prefers it, my trigger is tripped… quick… and it aint pretty.

Last night, I couldn't stop myself from yelling my frustrations. Cognitively, I knew I should step away and calm down, address it later, because I wasn't being beneficial to any part of the situation, but emotionally, I.could.not.stop. the frustration infused words from running out of my mouth.

It resulted as it always does… Wesley, running off to his room, slamming doors along the way. Me dramatically dumping the remaining food on his plate into the trash, unrealistically declaring to never prepare a meal in this house again, and exasperatingly throwing myself back down at the table in festering frustrations, mixed with a "you're the grown up here" guilt.  The other two, acted accordingly by dropping any inclinations of jumping on the "I don't want to eat" band wagon and licking their plates clean, with fear based verbal support at how delicious this meal really was.

Like every time before, when the dust settled, I apologized for my fired fuse and explained my frustrations at an age appropriate level…. I wish this could be summed up with a "next time I'll do better… from this I have learned" but I can't… well, I can, but it wouldn't be true… This pattern will cycle back, as it always does... with hopefully a lengthy durations of time in between.