New Year's Evolution

I'm giving a big thumbs down to new year's resolutions. I have a hard time not crinkling my nose in disapproval whenever anyone starts talking about what this year's "big resolution" will be. I hate everything about them. You start off the new year with it's blind possibilities. 2010 is so last year, and you're eager to put it to bed, and vigorously shake awake the new year that has so much promise. You're full of hope, anticipation for the unknown, and a can-do attitude. Declaring your resolution and hitting January 1st in full stride with your goal of weight loss, exercising more, eating right, or getting more sleep, dangling as your carrot. But when the momentum stops carrying you and the temptations pick up its slack, you stray and fall back into what's comforting for you. Disappointed in yourself for only making it a week or two, and planting that seed of negativity for the next 50 weeks until you're giving the opportunity to start a new year fresh again. Boooo!

I don't know if I've ever stuck with any resolution I've made. Lose weight, work out, eat healthier, decrease the intake of soda, increase the intake of sleep. Fail, fail, fail fail.

The last three years I've changed my out look of "resolutions" to reflect "evolutions", self evolutions to be precise. I'm comfortable with taking an aspect in my life I already do well, and do it better, evolving into a better me. Last year, I started out my 2010, with the goal to not allow others negativity, affect my life in a negative way. Experiencing it for what it is, gravel in it a bit, but take from it how to be a better person, digging sometimes deeper than others for that silver lining, and then reveling in the "thank god I don't suck like you" moment that always come. When I do let things affect me deeper than they should, there is no barrel rolling to the bottom, resolution ruined. Those experiences that have been less appealing are the ones I've learn the most from, growing the most, evolving. 

So this year, my New Year's Evolution will help build another area of self, though I feel like I might need to refresh my "have more patients for the people I have the least patients for" aspiration of 2009. 

So today the preparations to celebrate the end of 2010 and ringing in 2011 with great friends begin.
2011 is going to be a great year!

Productive While It Lasted

Every time the house has been turned upside down, miscellaneous things strewn from wall to wall, toys jumbled on the counter, and forgotten sippy cups scattered on the floor, I get this rush of productivity. An energy that can only be described as a frenzy. I not only want to put everything back in the places they once were, I want to organize the cupboards, clean out the pantry, overhaul the laundry room's "catch all" counter, with disinfectant in one hand, vacuum cleaner in the other, while holding an overside garbage bag in my teeth. The bout of energy doesn't stop there, my eyes dart from the door frame that needs to be replaces, to the patch on the wall that could use another coat of paint, over to the older pictures in their frames that really need to be updated. All the while, my mind strategizing the game plan for tackling the downstairs arrangement, the upstairs toy combinations for prime categorization, photo editing that needs to be done, groceries that need to be gotten, and what the hell are we going to have for lunch.

Getting giggles from Joey, upstaged by Calvin, and eye rolls from Wesley, Mika is streaming through the speakers causing me to shake the curves he assures me are in all the right places. Unadulterated energy and mood to match.

Although I want to move mountains and my attempts are grand, reality interrupts. Calvin's running around with nothing but his Thomas hat on and mischief in his eyes, Wesley sulking bored, from having the reigns tightened on the amount of video games played after a Christmas weekend of over indulgence, and Joey climbing up everything only to scream when she's realized she can't get herself down.

With the reality, energy dwindles, shifting from the mountain that once wanted to be conquered, to now the window framed mountain that wants to be viewed. While I enjoy an afternoon coffee, the baby sleeps and the boys scamper to the downstairs until the 'find something better to do than stare at a TV' time, resumes. My music fueled mood has shifted from the rush of La Roux, to the ease of Joshua Radin.

It's safe to say this house is far from disaster free, but I feel comfortable with the statement that at least each little disaster has been designated to it's appropriate room, to be dealt with the next time I get into an aggressive state of order.

A Refreshing Christmas Indeed

Our Christmas celebration was a three day production around here this year. Starting Friday afternoon and going strong until Sunday night. Three, energetic, excitement, earlier mornings, later nights, chaotic, nap skipped, junk fueled, sporadic temper-tantrum throwing, fun filled days. I ended this weekends whirl by throwing out one of those heavy, over exaggerated, we've survived another year sighs.

Truth be told, I welcome all the messes, all the rushed time frustrations, all the failed attempt to control the chaos, the over exaggerated, unrealistic empty threats for ceasing tantrum behavior, along with all the sleep lost hours. I welcome it all, with open arms and look forward to the next "get right in the thick of it" time to come. With little bodies, recharging their batteries all snug in their beds,  in the lull of tonight's quiet house, I'm able to ignore the mess surrounding me, that will demand my attention tomorrow, and reflect on the specifics of what could easily be a blur of the past three days. The little things that add up to be greater than what is often the misinterpreted purpose. 

Although I'm always aware of the importance of my family, it hasn't been until recent years that I've been aware how lucky I am to have the family I do. This sounds so cliche at so many levels, but the creative part of my brain, to be able to express my thoughts in a creative and abstract way, is being overridden by whatever part is allowing me to be awake and comprehensive at this hour.

It all boils down to the fact that my family rocks. A very welcoming, low drama, highly supportive, vent-tastic, family. The type of chemistry is so consistent, with its easy flow, is instantly comforting. A structure and ambience I try to duplicate in my everyday family structure.  Wrapping yourself in fully with the aura of love, rejuvenated by the easeful laughing, and reassured by the richness each 'until next time hug' gives. Because there always is a next time.

And though I started this post last night, after falling asleep propped up in bed, hands still in the typing position, I'm finishing it this morning. The weather is blistering outside, and the fire is roaring in. With a cowboy woody snuggled on one side of me and a blanket wrapped beauty on the other, my coffee is getting colder with each delayed sip. The day is growing and though the light is dull, it's starting to pour in from the windows exposing all that has been left unattended since Santa made his arrival. Knowing I will gladly take the extra snuggle time that cold dark days ofter me, my mind is full of the things I will do when the motivation hits. There is wrapping paper to be picked up, dishes to be cleaned, toys to be put away, and organizing to be done, but right now, I'm in snuggle mode, love-em-up mode, sip my cold coffee mode, burrow into the blankets and watch Max and Ruby mode, a 'can't see myself shifting to any other gear any time soon' mode.

A Christmas Eve's Eve

It's days like this that there is just as much life and excitement at 10:00 at night, as 10:00 in the morning.  A frenzy of anticipation displayed by busy bouncing bodies of energy. We all feel it. We all have smiles on our faces, exchanging knowing looks that this is it… this is what we have been waiting for. It's 10:30 pm,  and the house is just now becoming still for the first time since 5:30 this morning.

A day spent busy, productive, yet relaxed. High heels were replaced with a new pair of fancy fuzzy socks when vacuuming. The question of when the floor was last mopped was replaced quickly with the answer of "who cares!". Hours passed unnoticed, a day unhurried. Cookie dough and smiley face french fries for supper, Cinnamon rolls, playfully prepared for Christmas morning. All the wrapping done, other presents awaiting the magical touch of Santa. While putting together the presents I'm so excited to give, enthusiasm unfaulted by the reality they may get returned, forgotten and dust collected, or less appreciated than others. Laughing a littler deeper, lasting a little long. 

All day I've been reminding myself this is just the eve of Christmas eve, but keep getting swallowed in by its enchantment just the same. 

Having just put the last boy with a chocolate smeared face to bed, I know it's best for myself to follow suit. Before I slip into visions of sugar plums, I wanted to let everyone know, I'm sending my warmest wishes out to you during this Holiday weekend and know it will be whimsical for so many.

A very Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!