Over the last few weeks, I've attempted to warm myself up to the idea of embracing my birthday as another year's experienced with 365 days added, to the reflection on my accomplishments and acknowledgement of my failure, in the time spent in the prior 28 years. How this accumulated experience would somehow transfer some clarity of how I would handle all that will come with in this 29th year.
All of the self-pep talking to embrace a day marked to celebrate the recognition of another year living, fleeted when the time was now, leaving me trudging through the day, with a certain surrendered calm, putting my head down and press on, I coached myself to get through until today.
It's sounds absolutely ridiculous to have this kind of resistance to a birthday. It's not for fear of getting old, it has nothing to do with the fact that my hips have been assigned my 'trouble area' when it comes to physical fitness, I have no qualms about the sprouting grey, the creasing of wrinkles, but am more secure in my feels of where my energy is best spent, and who it's best spent with…I am however, a little biffed at the fact that over the last few years I've noticed my upper body strength has weakened enough that opening a jar of olives takes more effort….
{which is almost a little to much gender cliché for me to handle}… you would have thought
{warning: another cliché of the genders ahead} all of this baby lugging would tone those puppies up… but I digress…
As much as I am gung-ho for everyone else's' birthday, I would prefer mine to slide right by, unnoticed, but it wont… and I tried to welcome it this year... I did...but there is little hope in redirecting the fact that every fiber of my body resists a day that openly reminds me that everything around me is moving forward… time not only moves swiftly, but quickly… there is no countering this fight, because I'm never going to let go of wanting to keep right now, as it is… forever… and just because forward is an inevitable direction, doesn't mean I have to be ok with it… and on January 25th, I'm not… but I am ok with that too.
{Their next trip down the hill the wind would help pushed them a little further… down the hill more.. and into a tree… after that, we called sliding quits for the day}
Although yesterday didn't get completely wasted, I gave myself liceanse to eat cake for breakfast, allow myself to have a complete "Miss Spider's Sunny Patch" reprieve, and exercised my right to declare, "
Kiss me it's my birthday!!" a few more times that my normal '
Kiss me…' requests.
I happily woke up to today being the day after, with the silver lining of yesterday's annually dreaded day being that with a few tweaks I very well may have created what could potential be the most amazing of amazing pasta sauces in the world… in.the.world.
And I don't know if I could go into today any more grateful for all of you who posted their positive birthday wishes on Facebook, who sent emoticon blinged text messages, made phone calls with songs attached, wrote heartfelt cards, gave unexpected presents and made delicious love filled cakes!
Many very sincere
THANK YOU to you all!
Happy Day After!
