Goodnyou?: 02/01/2012

Sunday, February 26

Back Home

I know I've said it before, but I'll say it again. The best part about being away, is coming home… well being home… the process in getting home required postponed flights, ginger ale in the stomach, peppermints in the mouth, dramamine in the hand, two motion sick relieving pressure point pressing bracelets, and some mind over matter concentrated breathing to counter the turbulence of a rocky plane ride and the smell of airports… {*shiver* the smell of airports}…Throw in some full length airport running Amazing Race style, and a 2.5 hour drive, going 40 mph, at 2:00 in the morning, during a snowstorm, the being home, trumps, by far, the getting home.

But the escape itself, with our two amazing friends, well worth it…

Going in, I was determined, not to be the wallowing mother without her kids. It goes without saying, I missed them like mad. It took about two days in, for me to fall into the stride of Nate and I being just a couple. Not a mother and father, who've escaped for the night to go out to dinner, with responsibilities pending an hour away, a Mumma and Daddy, who have a night away, to Christmas shop for the Littles back home, or a business trip capitalized on.

It was refreshing, to say the least…..

Even thought I nestled nicely into the single roll of wife, the instincts of being a Mumma were hard to shake. I shot disapproving looks to those using foul language around me when kids were within earshot. I held my breath and perked my ears any time I heard a loud bang, I kept track of our small group of four, by repetitive counting, and I was acutely aware of which straying child, belonged to which non-attentive family, within a four family radius.

Even as great of an escape as it was, even though we couldn't have picked two better ladies to make memories with on an unforgettable vacation, I'm glad to slip back into the multiple rolls of a Me. The one, where there is little that is more comforting, than that of the shallow breathing from the breath of a baby, that's fallen asleep, curled at my neck. Where great satisfaction come from the laundry being done or a crowd pleasing meal served. The roll that provokes the humbleness that floods, when a tiny arm, wraps itself around the crook of your knee, drawing security to each. Being in a position where sneaking ice cream after the kids are sleeping, can only be compared to the completion of the greatest of feats. Or having the privilege of being exposed to the subtle moments of pure, genuine, kindness between those, you will forever be able to call your own, with the one you who will forever be your partner in it all.

It's in the roll of many that I'm most confident, defined, and thriving...

{One of my most favorite pictures}

Though, I'm lucky enough to have friends, who are more like family, during this time of away… It's just really great being home.

Saturday, February 18

Gettin' Gone...

I have a easily triggered reset button when it comes to my kids. The gem of 'me-times' is always manifested in the ordinary everyday's mundane.

It's in the 9th consistent minute, of a steady trudged run, my feet can no longer resist pulling out a few moves in the treadmill two-step. Reset.

The Ingrid Michael song, that always follows my favorite Madeleine Peyroux, 4:36 minutes after I've submerged myself into the, too hot, drawn bath water. Rest.

Anytime in the kitchen… The first sound of vegetables hitting a greased pan, for sautéing. The steam rushing up my arms, off of a pot draining pasta. The smell of fresh garlic…. the.smell.of.fresh.garlic. Reset. Reset. Reset.

So take all of that information, add it to the fact that I suffer from a ridiculous case of "mom guilt" over the most minuets of anything {especially when it has to do with things I'm doing fun, without my children} and throw in the little tidbit of information that Nate and I are leaving tomorrow on a cruise, while leaving the three kids behind, but picking up two of our friends along the way… for no 'good' reason… other than escaping for some adult time with my husband and two of our best friends.

Cue the mom guilt… full force my friends.

I'm looking forward to doing nothing, even though nothing, isn't something I do well… but it's hard for me to ignore the fact, that I've been harboring some this guilt since the start of January.

My parents are coming to stay at the house with the kids. I'm excited about this. I'm excited for my parents to be able to have the day to day experience of all the little things that the kids do to make you fall deeper in love with them. The everyday littles, that can only be experienced first hand, savored in those moments, immediately heart swelling, hook… line.. suckering. I want my parents to soak those parts of their grandchildren up and it makes me happy knowing, my parents want that too.

Nate's already given me fair warning, that when we get back, he wants no mention of any post vacation regret. No qualm about how I spent too much of our time away, missing the kids, not enjoying it for the break that it is.

So I'm gearing myself for reading without interruption, eating without sharing, waking up because I've slept enough, and looking forward to what I'm banking on being the ultimate reset.

But right now, I've still got packing to do, ketchup to clean off the back of the dog, toe nails to paint, empty threats to make, and a bit more of my babies to soak up before tomorrow.

Until next weekend.