Food Fight {and not the fun kind}

Last night, I lost my cool with Wesley. Over the same thing, I always lose my temper on with him… food.

I don't mind he is particular with his food…. Through out the week, I typically ask him if he would like to try the red pepper I'm cutting, the kiwi I'm slicing, or the sauce I'm stirring.

Every time the answer it no… and that's ok.

I plan ahead, every meal, and make sure there is at least one item Wesley can satisfyingly eat.

Some nights, I serve him well with a full plate of the same meal, different presentation…. When making a {rest of the} family favorite, stir fry, I pull from the pan, salted {no peppered} pieces of cooked chicken, before adding other spices…I save a hand full of raw carrots, before sautéing them with the other veggies… and I put aside a bowl of rice, before topping it with the rest… Did I mention, none of this food can touch… preferable on different plates…. and need their own utensils to be eaten with?

I will not cook a completely different meal, but do encourage any leftovers to be heated up and always have the makings for peanut butter & jelly or non-sugared cereal, as a standby.

I also make sure to remind Wesley, that if he chooses to be limited in his food intake then he is also limited to food choices, outside this house, and he can not {and will not} expect others to cater to him.

He will not make a fuss about other's offerings, instead he will adapt and settle for the extra effort I go for him, by keeping a zip lock bag, in his locker, full of peanut butter crackers, incase of a last minute school lunch menu change or by throwing granola bars into his book bag, when he goes to a friends house, just incase.

And though at times it's annoying, when I forget and throw garlic in with the chicken and have to scrap it off every individual piece, before he notices or roast the broccoli too much that every piece has at least one crispy part of in… but I do it, none the less, with little more than just a heavy sign and the occasional eye roll.

Sometimes, like last night, when I'm just too tired to stay on top of my food game and can't put out more effort for his food fright… I bring the menu down to Wesley's preference… a basic, mundane, meal… and on these occasions, when I am meet with resistance, sulking, pouting, gagging, and a full on "woe is Wesley" mode, all because the chicken is cut differently than the way he prefers it, my trigger is tripped… quick… and it aint pretty.

Last night, I couldn't stop myself from yelling my frustrations. Cognitively, I knew I should step away and calm down, address it later, because I wasn't being beneficial to any part of the situation, but emotionally, I.could.not.stop. the frustration infused words from running out of my mouth.

It resulted as it always does… Wesley, running off to his room, slamming doors along the way. Me dramatically dumping the remaining food on his plate into the trash, unrealistically declaring to never prepare a meal in this house again, and exasperatingly throwing myself back down at the table in festering frustrations, mixed with a "you're the grown up here" guilt.  The other two, acted accordingly by dropping any inclinations of jumping on the "I don't want to eat" band wagon and licking their plates clean, with fear based verbal support at how delicious this meal really was.

Like every time before, when the dust settled, I apologized for my fired fuse and explained my frustrations at an age appropriate level…. I wish this could be summed up with a "next time I'll do better… from this I have learned" but I can't… well, I can, but it wouldn't be true… This pattern will cycle back, as it always does... with hopefully a lengthy durations of time in between.

It's Been A While…

I haven't written on the blog in a while… I wouldn't necessarily say it has been intentional, but I wouldn't way it been unintentional either.

We've just been busy in that "not sure how much longer we can keep this up, without having to sleep for 3.2 months straight" kinda way. It's been on the back of my mind, to jump on here, throw some pictures up and pin down some words.

The fact, that this is a place I like to escape, reflect, and gain perspective on all the things I'm too "in the moment" to do at the time, hasn't been easy to find the time to nestle myself into here.

I've realized, that if I force my time, into just writing to write, it defeats the whole purpose of my intention of starting this blog to being with…... With that said, the whole purpose of starting this blog, was to have a written recording of my family growing… so finding time is necessary.

I'm in the vicious cycle of struggles in finding time for all the stuff I've got to do and creating time for all the stuff I want to.

I'm relying heavy on the theory of, an object being in motion and staying in motion, when it comes to tending all the irons I've found myself casting into the fire…. and I'm looking forward, more than ever, to getting back and purging a bit of pent up life, soon.

Happy Monday!

Easter's Extra Step… or Lack Of One

Last year, a few weeks before Easter, we had decided to get ourselves some chickens.

Easter around the bend, I wanted to surprise the kids with these fluffy bundles of feathers chick Easter morning. Taking that step from a good Easter, to great one.

A lot of planning, effort, and road running, went into wanting to make my babies Easter most magical, with Bunny brought baby hens.

Unfortunately, the way things worked out the chicks found their way into our home before the Bunny could bring them. I was a bit disappointed, myself.

Regardless the Bunny's work, was still a hit.

This year, when at the grocery store, just a few days before Easter, the cashier had commented about the groceries overwhelming my cart, being for Easter's weekend… I think I caught us both off guard when my face drained of its color and my mouth blurted, "Easter! Easter is Sunday! THIS.Sunday! Shit."

This prompted a text to my mom to "keep expectations low" about Sunday's festivities, brought on Easter eve anxiety of 'not doing enough'…. not making the holiday I love  'special enough' … Easter itself felt like a huge leap, let alone to add an extra step… and I was annoyed with myself that I found relief in the very chickens that I put so much planning into, last year, would at least provide the needed eggs for this egg savvy season, this year.

I had to settle in the 'it is what it is' reality of things quickly and once I did… I relished in the lack of having to make that 'extra step' I often feel so compelled to make.

And I'm pretty sure the kids, none the wiser, felt the Bunny was as on his A game that day…his work, was once again a hit…