Sunday, February 9

Sunday Ramblings

Right now, the other four of this family of five are out conquering the snow mountain with fast blue plastic sleds.

I should be out there with them, but I'm not.

I don't know why I feel I should have bundled up too, other than the fact because they have.
And I don't really know why I'm not, other than the fact that I really don't want to.

I am, however, doing my best to muffle the voice of guilt that's creeping into my thoughts right now, telling me I'm lazy and lame for willingly missing out on such simple moments with the kids.

I'm not even doing anything inside… In fact, I'm laying in bed, shielding my eyes from that end of day glare, listening to their distant giggles through the closed window, and typing on my computer.

As soon as I hear those boots come stomping and the energy fused voices start filling the quiet retained within these walls, I'll be rapid fire making dinner, barking bathing orders, and doing the best the counter the absence of my winter weather bundled self the last hour.

I know once I was out there, I'd be glad I did, but even that self rally isn't enough for me to pull those ski pants from their hook. So hooked those pants shall stay.

I'm not sure why I grapple with such guilt on such a simple thing like opting out of sliding, but I do…. Do I honestly believe me not being out there with them, will build feeling of abandonment in my child's psyche? No.

But have I carried the useless worry like it will, around with me the last hour? Yes, yes I have.

Meh. Moving on.

I've been writing a lot lately, leaving all unpublished, and I think it's directly associated with the fact that I've been reading so much too.

It's like a yin and yang bit for me.
Reading creates the escape, while writing provides grounding.

As short of a month as February is, the next three weeks are going to leave me trying to catch my breath by the end of them. Not in a bad way, just a busy way.

So I guess it's kind of nice to have this little break, as short as it may have been.

I can hear the muffled voices of excited kids draw nearer to the door…

The door I'm thinking about locking before they can reach it…

Hey! where is that mom guilt now, for entertaining a thought like that?!

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