Tuesday, November 30

Getting My Fix

Confession time.
Here's a little secret that might catch some of you off guard considering my mostly consistent up-beat self....*takes a hard swallow* .....I.love.to.cry... There I said it. It's out, and there is no taking it back now.

I'm not talking about a depressing, no one talk to me, I'm wallowing in self pity, type of crying. It's just an innocent ball my eyes out until I have stuttered breathing and have a hard time seeing because I want to, type of crying. You're not alone in thinking how weird this is, or even contradicting in so many levels to my personality.  Nate thinks I'm crazy (even though he has never outwardly accused me, I see his eyes rolling or the extra stiffness that comes into his neck when he hears the sniffles start, attempting to resist the urge to look at me with those "are you serious" eyes, -that's right Nate, I see it!-). And why wouldn't he!

We rate my Thursday night Grey's Anatomy viewing, by how many tissues I used during the hour long episode (and I'm always disappointed when there are no tears shed). I have Netflix movies I know are tear jerkers on reserve, and I always have a Nicholas Spark's book on hand for when I need to get my crying fix. Could I be so bold to call myself a crying junkie? Like a junkie, I portion out my stash to last me as long as it can, unsure of when I might get my next fix.

Well Ladies and Gentlemen... I HAVE HIT THE MOTHER LOAD BABY and I'm loving every tear rolling, tissue dabbing, heart wrenching, swollen eyed minute of it!!

While talking with a friend about my quest for the 'quilt of perfection', Hannah brought up a blog she followed of a woman who had just posted about her own personal quilt quest.  While examining the quilt, Hannah mentioned how she really loved this blog and how the writer was a photographer who posted beautiful pictures, as well as writing about her daughter who was born with Down syndrome. Of course my interest was peeked at the mention of beautiful pictures, and the quilt was more like what I was looking for than anything I had found myself, but assumed the site was one of those coping with Down syndrome support blog site, I've come to expect from "message bloggers".

Taking full advantage of the lull that follows the day after Thanksgiving, I dug in my heels and scoured the internet for all quilt related sites. With quilt patches and patterns spinning my head, I fully intended to open the blog Hannah had shown me, Kelle Hampton's blog Enjoying The Small Things ,and use the picture I had seen of the quilt, as a reminder to myself my efforts weren't wasted.  Distracted by the beautiful pictures of beautiful children, it didn't take me long to be drawn into the beauty of her writing as well.

I started with "The Birth Story of Nella" and had to stop half way through because tears were draining from my eyes at such a rate I wasn't able to see. Regaining myself a few hours later I finished the story with chest heaving type breathing and scrolled back to the top to suffer the beauty of it again. Since then I've started reading from publication one, with the story of Nella's birth in the back of my head, I read Kelle Hampton's stories which are filled with life and possibility, excitement and energy, unaware of the unexpected, yet beautiful, turn her life will take.

I'm a little ashamed I lumped this blog in with all the other in your face blogs that are great in their way of causing awareness of the matters that are most important to them, but often have an abrasive tactic that can be off putting to others.

This blog is so much more. The writing is beautiful, expressing things I never in my life, would be able to compose in writing. The pictures are real and raw, capturing life in it's moment (I'm so jealous). It's about "sucking the marrow out of life" and really enjoying the small things.

A literary treasure indeed.....
It's amazing.
It's gold.
And better yet it's my ultimate, never going to run dry, fix.

Sunday, November 28

Only The Weather Is Gloomy

Yesterday the weather was overcast, wet, and from the comfort of our living room, little was appealing about venturing outside. Lounging with arms wrapped around sleepy sweet-ums, while hugged in the softness of the family favorite chocolate brown blanket, the aroma of a Yankee Candle's sugar cookie scent lingering from the kitchen over the petition to the living room provoking us to burrow deeper in the couch cushions.  But as the baby stirred and the other two grew restless, the process of making the transition from inside the house to outside the house was made. And the dreariness of the day was brightened with smiles of those who flung snowballs and the responsive giggles when their target had been hit. Arms were now wrapped around each other in an attempt to bury one another in the pure white blanket of snow, while the smell of the clean outdoors surrounded us.
Despite the damp skies and sun's bleak output, a beautiful day indeed.

So one would think, with weather like today, sun shining hard, skies screaming its blue, and a day asserting its "don't waste me" attitude, yesterday would be easily repeated. Wrong! I'm still at a loss for why things went ary. I know Joser's sleep tank was hovering just above empty and my patients left much to be desired from a sleepless night before. Wesley was altering between his comeback remarks and inability to listen the first time, while Calvin displayed his less charming side of two. As I'm sitting here in the rare calm of the house and reflecting on the day, I have snot run faces, tear stained cheeks, and frustrated feelings flooding my memory, but none for your viewing pleasure.

 Mark today, as one of those infrequent times where my finger wasn't engaging the shutter.

Now, I regret not capturing the day's meltdowns, failures, and disappointments, because I find, they are just as enlightening in its reflection, if not more, than the days filled with smooth laughter and effortless smiles.

Friday, November 26

A Filling Thanksgiving

So that's that. For most people, the day filled with food, family, and friends comes as fast as it goes. A day with polite "catch-up" conversations with family members who feel more like acquaintances, the same stories that are told each Thanksgiving, and the smell of Aunt Sue's overwhelming cheap perfume, turning the already over expanded stomach. Another check marked off the list of obligated family duties.

Fortunately for us, our "catch-up" conversations are with family that only needs to be caught up on the most recent of events. The stories that are recycled are laughed at just as hard as the first time they were told, with new ones adding in between. Thankfully, any perfume is applied at the appropriate amount of dosage and complementary to each.

Beer is cold, wine is homemade, and food is plentifully. A day layered with the uniqueness that each person brings to the group binding it as a whole, makes the day both easy and enjoyed.

Much to be thankful for.

Yesterday, I didn't dig around for the reason why I love my family, because it's already on the surface. I didn't take a minute to remind myself of exactly what makes our friends feel more like family, but nuzzled into its always present formality.

For me, Thanksgiving, is just one of the many times throughout the year our extended family gets together. I don't need a day to remind me to be thankful. The last Thursday of November doesn't encourage me to appreciate the importance of those who surround me any more than I already do on a random Tuesday morning.

But will most certain take the excuse of an approved Government's awarded work leave, to do what we do best.....

(tis the season)

Tuesday, November 23

Welcoming Winter with Semi-Open Arms

I don't know why the snow yesterday caught me off guard, but it did. I'm aware that it is the week of Thanksgiving and Mother Nature has every right to shower us with fluffy flakes of her unwelcomed wonderful winteriness. Being a toes in the sand, cool ocean viewing, flip flop wearing, warm weather loving girl, I enjoy when it first snows and am willing to enjoy it's company throughout the Holiday season. With that said, I'm more than ready for it to make it's departure come mid January. Unrealistic I know. This feeling of winter dread has only really surfaced the last 7 years or so, and I will credit this to getting older more mature. But I guess unless I'm willing to do anything about it, I might as well embrace it and with this new approach, yesterday I did.

Although it started off with a rocky start of being unable to find Wesley's snow boats (Mother's Law tells me these boots will magically pop up as soon as I order him new ones) and the always fun, having to go to the bathroom as soon as you are punched with the fist of cold air lingering for you on the other side of your entranced door, it was smooth sailing after that.

Once cheeks were kissed with winters welcome and more snow brought into the house than I believe was left out of it, the warming up part came easily...

Will yesterday's happy ending be enough to  keep the motivation for my positive winter embrace running strong?
We have many months to find out now don't we!


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