Wednesday, April 2

I Want My Sexy Back

Allow me to warn you... I'm the perfect storm of inhabited writing right now... I'm tired... physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually ... I'm pretty sure the monthly beast is on her way and that beer I've had… yep… straight to the head.

This typically is the time where I would harass my friends… relentlessly…  but I'm trying to do better by them… if only for a night.

I have so many talons of frustration clenched into the stress of my shoulders right now, coupled with the weariness of having many irons in the fire along with an aching back….. literally, my back aches.. mostly because it has confused itself with one that should be 81 years old…

Regardless, there is so much I could spout off about…all as equally as petty as the next…

Right now, the kids are all in their own beds… Nate's gone to sleep as well and here I sit…amongst snoring dogs…  dimmed lights… Citizen Cane's pandora station streaming… some Bravo show on the TV… a beer buzzed head…and the specifics of those mundane daily woes have been fuzzy…

Except one griff…{is griff even a word}… anyways… the one thing I can't shake lately, is the feeling of being my less than sexy self.

There I've said it, I miss feeling sexy.

Now wait…. before my phone starts buzzing with encouraging text from friends telling me all the things I don't need to hear about beauty, support, love, and bitch slaps… read on… my confidence has not wavered… I don't question the character that is held within my statured walls… I'm not challenging myself for growth… I know my strength and am not currently thumb pushing my weaknesses…. what I'm simply saying is…. I'm missing my sexy.

And damn it, I want my sexy back.

Maybe it has something to do with my hair growing in an awkward stage of gross.
Maybe it has something to do with spring feeling like a never ending winter.
Maybe it has something to do with extra weight feeling awkward on my frame.
Maybe it has something to do with needing a hell of a lot more sleep than I have ever needed before.
Maybe it has something to do with not having enough Jack Johnson in my life.
Maybe it has something to do with knowing my mind hasn't rebounded fully yet.
Maybe it has something to do with having a back that feels like it's in it's early eighties.
Maybe it has something to do with the a certain over sized maternity hooded sweater I'm driven to wear nightly.
Maybe it has something to do with my avoidance of writing.
Maybe it has something to do with a combination of it all.
Maybe it has something to do with nothing at all.

All I'm trying to say is, it's something and the result of this is that I don't feel sexy…. and I miss it.
Who knew there could be such longing.

Now don't get me wrong… It's not like I'm normally channeling that Jessica Rabbit vibe all the live long day… but I can't ever remember a time in my life I haven't been able to pin point the lack of sexiness to a specific.

I'm left empty handed here and there really isn't too much I can do about it, but wait it out until it finds its way back to me.

Until then, I'll have to settle for pulling from all the areas I have that drive my confidence, which are so many…. and resort to Kings Of Leon lullaby me to bed every night… because that doesn't hurt kicking off any sort of search and rescue.

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