You've started school, taken big leaps with your already independent nature, and are showing how ready you are for life's adventures.
Which is why the happily anxious reserved side, that you showed on your birthday this year, caught both Grammie and I off guard.
It was one of those moments I consider a memory gift. One I will reflect on in my more quiet moments and baffle at in disbelief laughter, during joyful times, for years down the road.
The bold, fearlessly, stubborn, spit fire of a baby I am accustom to, was caught, idly standing in the kitchen, with her party dress on, nervously turing it's hem, tentative in motion.
Your friends came in, you ran off and played, but that moment of hasty hesitation, cautiously standing with the protection of your grammy by your side, is one of those memories that is a gift in itself, leaving Grammie and I standing dumbfound, speechless, and oddly heart broken at this side of you.
You showed the same kind of emotional wavering on step-up-day for school.
You held my hand, wanting me to keep my security close, while looking up at me frequently for encouraging head nods and comforting smiles.
Again, if only for a brief moment, it was there... and I was thankful to have been as well.
Just this morning, when I went to drop you off at school, you asked for me to stay in the van.
You confidently jumped out, met your classmates in line, excitedly waved back at me, blew me a kiss, and march into school.
There was no hesitations, no reservations, or idle doubts.
It's hard for me to find my own reluctancy to you becoming older.
Your excitement for all that this age bring, holds my sadness for my baby growing, at bay.
For the most part anyways.
I revel with pride in our common ground being found in stubborn, reactive, and independent.
4 years has brought me accustom to you're confidence in receiving attention and at the same time leaving me shaking my head that girly, pink loving, giggly, you, could have come from tomboyish, earth tone, mild me.
So far, year 4 is broadening that realm for us by keeping me on my toes in ways unexpected. The force that you are naturally, the big space that you fill for being so small, is what I have come to expect of you.
You're ready for life, you always have been, but this year especially, it's showing me how willing you are for it as well. But sometime with want, come worry and it's nice to see that part of you stem. It tells me awareness is present in your moments, and what is the point of living this life, if we are not aware while doing so.