Monday, April 9

Easter's Back

Last Easter left a bad taste in my mouth.

I remember too frankly the feeling that overwhelmed me, while taking a shower that very morning. I had three points of separate, non-related pressures, bearing their stresses on me, depending on my steadiness where theirs lacked. As the too hot water, burned my back, I remember feeling every fiber in my body wanting to crack under the weight of it all.


In that very moment, I was angrily pissed that things finally came to a head, broke down, and fell apart at the seams on the one day, that I just didn't want to be selfless. I wanted to selfishly bask in all that makes Easter so great, with the kids I want to make it so memorable for. But in the solitary of my won bathroom, I wanted to curl up and cry, turn off the phones and lock the doors, ignore the texts and avoid all e-mails, get out long enough to pajama up my babies, hide eggs around the house, eat candy for dinner, with a healthy helping of pie. I wanted to fly the kites the Bunny brought and mindlessly blow bubbles.. I wanted to bury myself deep into the very place I draw the most strength, when I'm feeling the most weak… my kids.


Instead, I answered the phone when it rang, sat through dinners avoiding elephants, was extra loud with excitement when candied eggs were found, smiled harder and laughed long, purposefully avoided asking the 'can of worms' questions, cared too much about egg dying, texted overly eager words of support, remained the patient sound board, found my footing in the rubble, excused myself to eat more pie, and steered the course in my natural consistent manner.

Determined, my kid's originally planned Easter would not to be effected, by the situation of others, that at that moment, was spreading their mother too thin.

{Yes, Joey is eating the dying water}

Tonight's 'Easter's over' settling, is much different than a year ago. I'm exhausted in that, 'weary body, strained eyes, overdriven mind, work was so much worth the effort', kind of way. Honestly, I can barely keep my eyes open and am having serious doubts I will be able to stay awake long enough for the rest of the pictures to upload.


And though at times the trenches felt forever deep, some really great things have come from forging forward and wading through them this past year. If past experience are worth having, I can only believe they are worth learning from for the future, bettering you for it. 

But as selfish as it is for me to say, this year I wanted to play with home field advantage, on my own turf, where I knew I would be able to provide a weekend for my kids that would be painted with pastel colored greatness. I wanted full access in providing an environment that would allow them to fall in love with the events of this weekend, things to be seeded for expectations of Easter to come. 

So, when the opportunity to host Easter at our house this year was presented, I grabbed ahold of it and hung on tight.

For me to feel I was at the helm of setting the tone for our family's traditions, creating an atmosphere were food was enjoyed with an air of light conversations, and my candle burning at both ends to assure the things I felt were important enough to do, got done, was essential for me to become steadfast in moving on from the bumps hurdled throughout the marked day since.


I wanted to replace that feeling of last year's reflected Easter dread, by making Easter feel like Easter again.

And tonight, I have nestled peacefulness, looking back on the last few days, that I have done just that.


1 comment:

All Good in Mommyhood said...

Your pictures are breathtaking. What a wonderfully special Easter you hosted - that Easter cake is gorgeous! So very happy this Easter was a celebration, and not something to push through determined to hold it together. :) Happy Spring blogging friend!


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