Dear Calvin, {5 year's old}

You turned 5 years old, less than a month ago. Right now, you're sleeping in your bed after the second night of my "you're old enough to go to bed awake, rather than having Daddy, hauling you from the couch after you've fallen asleep watching Sponge Bob" approach.

Life's been crazy lately. I'm sorry if it feels like the memories of your birthday, have been shoved to the back burner, but the haven't.

I'm in one of those weird places were the reality is…. it's only been 20 days since you turned 5 years old, but it somehow feels like 20 weeks… sitting here on the couch, by myself, I feel confident enough to tell you that sometimes life is stupid… that's it… just stupid.

Fortunately, for all of life's stupidity, you counter with brilliance. That light that pours from your deep brown eyes, that smile that's just crooked enough to disarm to most guarded of hearts… it's good stuff, good good stuff… and I'm humble enough to realize how lucky I am to be exposed to it, daily.

Since May 20th, I've had running through my head, the exact things that I wanted to construct for your Dear Calvin: you're 5 years old post… How I watch you play, at random times through the day and envying your innocent… How my chest sometimes gets this tightness when I think about how, after this summer, you're going to be gone to school for more day than you'll be home… I think about how selfish I am, for not wanting to share you with this world, but at the same time proud, when I watch others helpless drawn to your gentleness…  How you're mischievous in the most genuinely curious way….

Over the last few weeks, these thought have effortless streamed in my thoughts, with a beautiful flow, but now I can't help but feel like I'm grasping at straws to string words together, in a coherent way…

Simply… You're a third of my world and we all know how lucky we are to get the chance to love you,