For someone who is very 'out there' in the forms of social media, I also hold certain aspects of my life close to my chest. I not only like to control the information that gets thrown out into the world outside of this house's four walls, but that what I do release, isn't carelessly released in a haste of negative energy… This case, is not exempt.
After the whirl wind weeks we've had, the emotional ups and down within the unknown of the day to days, countless conversation, with the ones we love, laced with tears, anger, laughter, and drive, we're now at the point in our family's process to trump the mill of rumors and rest at ease the small town hear-say.
Though I played the "it's just a broken collar bone" roll, appeasing the curiosity of those who need not waste in the worry, this week, after many hoops jumped, I was officially diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma.
Lets stop right here for a minute and let me just say… I don't want this information, displayed in this little space of mine, to flock the drama seekers… I don't want my door kicked down by a bunch cancer fighting rallied warriors… I don't want a flood of meat and cheese platters, despite my love of all sodium packed deli products...
What I do want... is for this place to be an area of escape from the schedules and appointment, chemo and needles… I want Goodnyou? to provide the kind of therapy, writing has always given me…I want to be able to love the day fiercely ... I want to be able to not like life at all… I want to stomping my feet and screaming "it's not fair" … I want to show my fears and embrace my struggles….
It feels like we've already been walking for miles, though we know we've just barely settled our footing on this newly foraged path. I'm ready for the triumphs and prepared for the challenges that will push me to the limits, only grow me in the areas I unknowingly need it the most, along the way.
8 comments:
You stomp your feet, cry, dislike life and so on all you want. It will be a rollercoaster for sure but you will always have my support. I will always have positive thoughts for you. As I have told you before Sam, anything you need you let me know. I think writing about this shi**y journey you are about to go on will help you get through it. You will beat it, that I believe.
Karen
It's your journey and you travel it any way you want. Stomp your feet, yell, dislike life, and maybe even laugh along the way. Nobody who is not or has not been in your shoes should judge. You are one of the strongest young women I know and battle you will, I have no doubt. Only positive, supportive, healing thoughts coming your way. Andrea Jenkins
Wow, I hate that you are going through this, but am in awe of your attitude. I will be thinking about you. If you find yourself in need of shopping therapy, let me know! I had so much fun last time.
Hannah
I'm so sorry to hear this.
I'll keep you in my prayers, and I'll also be here to read whatever it is that you feel like posting.
Woah. I am so sorry to hear this Samantha. I can't even begin to understand what you are going through (tonsil surgery doesn't even count compared to this). But it's true, like another said. You're attitude is amazing. You are one of the spunkiest, most positive people I've interacted with (although just through the internet). Good energy to you my friend. Continue to "Sam-a-fie" people :-)
Thinking of you. I am a faithful reader of this blog and your personal page. You beauty inside. and out as mom, wife coach and overall person leaves me on awe. You may not know this but many of us out there woukd like to be a little more like you each day.Keep blogging. Keep smiling. We all adore you.
You know what? You're awesome-ness, sauciness (love that word), and funny-ness is going to get you through the worst times. I am in your corner and wish I could help in taking away some of the pain and discomfort. Just know I will be sending you prayers and good vibes everyday!
I totally agree with Jess and the boys.... Im crushed to be reading this today.... I recently had to go through a very minor procedure with my son. Although it was minor there was risks involved and my grandma stopped over the day before the procedure. I told her I was worried sick. My grandma said " you girls think you can play god! " lol you'd have to know her to get this. Anyways she then said "Briana you gotta surrender and have faith" Something about surrendering doesn't sit well with me, and I know you struggle with that too. But once I did I relaxed, I let go, I accepted that although we think we can control things in our life, actually we have control over nothing. All we can control is our attitude, and that my friend is where you shine. I have faith you'll beat this and do amazing. I truly believe that.
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