Monday, July 18

A Case of The Summer Guilt

When I was sitting on the porch yesterday morning drinking coffee with Nate, before he left for work, I assured him, the kids and I had plenty to do around the house until he closed at 2:00, and we could all go over to the camp together.

When I was hanging clothes out on the line 20 minutes later, working up a sweat from the simple act of picking clothes up, hanging clothes on, I started to think his encouragement to head over earlier, wasn't such a bad idea after all. I buzzed around the house, throwing another load of laundry in, putting the dishes away, and speed vacuuming the floor, while yelling at directing the kids to please brush their teeth, go find their suits, and for the love of my very own sanity, lets all work together in stopping your sister from eating the dog's food.

I always wrestle with a certain amount of guilt when the kids and I just pick up, head out, and enjoy the day. Especially when it's the 4th day of us capping on the adventures of summer, beautiful weather, and non-obligated time regimented schedule. Heading to bangor to visit with friends, have a picnic, and watch the kids play. Porch sitting, sipping coffee, adult talk talking, while watching the kids play. Going to camp, two days in a row, splashing in water, basking in sun, enjoying the ease of the day, while watching the kids play…. The kids and I run the roads, from one great summer 'do' to the next, all the while… Nate goes to work.

I spend a lot of time during the summer, justifying our play, the dishes are done, the laundry is clean, the sheets washed, dinners made, and responsibilities taken care of, but it turns out, I am the only one I'm trying to convince, this much fun, is fine. Nate encourages our adventures, suggests new ideas, and is eager to hear about our fun. He always plan to meet up with us after work, sneak out early when he can, or settle for hotdogs two nights in a row because who has time to think about taking anything out of the freezer, when their is a strawberry field waiting to be combed through.

The fact of the matter is, for him at the store, summers are busy, winters are slow, for me at home, summers are too short, winters too long. It is, how it is and it's this summer's guilt perspective, I need to carry into the winter's long never ending days... but we'll see how that turns out.

Bottom line, guilt or no guilt, I need to get over myself, our summer "do-it" list, has many tallies made, yet still so many more to be marked…fortunately for us, Nate will be very present in most. This week, I plan on concentrating my focus on getting vacation ready, so when Friday afternoon comes, we can hit the road, stress free, heading south…but... we will see how that goes.

Happy Monday!

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