Monday afternoon, at approximately 2:43 PM, I snapped.
Not the kind of snapped, that causes me to aimlessly pace around the house, throwing my hands dramatically in the air, spouting off ridicules statements, in a less than coherent manner, about all hot points of annoyance that have built up to this very moment. Not the one where I'm validated with hurried "uh huh"s, rushed "yep"s, and obligated "I'm sorry"s, from little bodies who are struggling to keep eye contact, even though the General who is bravely leading the Tonka truck, carrying wounded soldiers, back to base camp, is about the be ambushed from the left by a very unruly Star Wars figure, who unfortunately turned to the dark side, by the persuasion of the supper cuddly, but equally corrupt, pink sock monkey… clearly a situation that is demanding immediate attention. Then the ranting ends as quickly as it begain, a Mumma's frustrations aired, a little boy's eyes strained, and most importantly the soldiers saved, in the nick of time.
This kind of snapped, is more of a respond, than a reaction. A response to having been ignored for over a week, about picking up the toy room, about the responsibility of having friends over, about being taking care of the things you care about, about the threatened consequences for your chosen negligence, are followed through on…. the kind of snapped, that enough, is in fact enough, and there isn't any awareness of what your instincts are telling you, but where you just do… and I did.
I marched myself up to the problem area, garbage bags in hand, and when all was said and done, the problem was taken care of, not to be dealt with again for the rest of the summer.
To be honest, I could have picked a less humid day to pull this stunt, but I didn't, and with 2 construction bags full of floor strewn toys, 6 empty juice containers, 1 hefty trash bag full of trash, and a soaking through tank top, the deed was taken care of, and it felt great. The rush of adrenaline of knowing, your actions more than justify the means and that pure feeling of when you act on the instincts of your gut's 'go'.
The kind of snapped, I know the kids will learn to pay attention to and learn the most from, where words are no longer enough, and the action, once again, prove to speak volumes. When the adrenaline wears off, there is no guilt hang over, of having lost my cool, but the kind of thing that makes me feel very parental, where my level headed follow through, will carry a steady ripple. Like, I'm doing my duty as a Mother, by showing my kids, it's worth their lesson learned, by my efforts made, because they are so worth my efforts… no matter how big a job, a small of a teaching, or as hot of day.
It has a way of making me feel more secure, that I'm perhaps not as far off on achieving my aspired goals as a parent, as I too frequently feel. My comfort is in the 'it is, what it is' philosophy and when I stick with that, respond rather than react … we grow, move forward, hopefully able to reflect of pasted lessons learned, for future avoidance… in turn making us all a little more accountable in our positions.
*****Things have been busy… before I'm with out internet for over a week I wanted to post a few sneak peeks from the past week*****