Lately, I've been referencing a book about not only being present in the happenings of right now, but being aware of the time that you are… I say I've been referencing for two reasons..one, I can't seem to find much time to read lately, and two, when I do find time to read, sometime the comparison of emotion to nurturing new borns, and breathing to the budding of spring flowers, makes me instantly roll my eyes and switching gears to something on a deeper level like Tina Fey's Bossypants (which I'm reading for the second time, and laughing just as hard as the first). The referencing is enough for now, I'm catching the drift and efforts are being made, or at least awareness is present.
The night before last, in between falling back asleep from comforting a restless baby, the only thing my awareness brought to the table, was that my head was now hanging uncomfortably off the bed, my arm was cramping, as half of Joey's body lay comfortable on it, and there was no way I was taking the chance of moving a muscle, when waking her in the process, was too big of a risk to take. Instead, I grew myself anxious with thoughts about, how it was foolish for me to leave most of the groceries on the counter, but glad I had motivation at 2:38 AM, to do a complete overhaul of every nock and cranky in our pantry, cupboard draws, and refrigerator. I should have taken some chicken out of the freezer today, to have time to thaw for the next night's supper. What were the kids going to be for halloween and why haven't I thought about organizing the kids bookshelf, from biggest to smallest, until that very moment.
Yesterday, when the neediness shifted from disturbed sleeping baby, to feverish little boy, the shifting from awareness of being present, was easier. The urgency of the midnight's rushing thoughts was gone, the things not in the immediate, categorized themselves evenly, prioritized, and had an even mental flow of accomplishment, while I snuggled Calvin on the couch, rooting on Swiper, rubbing his back during his upset stomach, and bribing him with popsicles in return for medicine taken. It was easy to work through the cluttered counters, at a days pace, hotdogs replaced chicken, halloween was forgotten, and the books, scattered on the floor, add to the 'lived in' vibe, I love our house to give.
That's easy to do, sick kids are the trump, everything, card.
Today, the babes have recovered, and full of all that's good, mixed with the expressed attitudes on opinions of shoes, toast cut wrong, and the willingness to fight for their right to drink juice, instead of milk. Calvin's fits have already ended him up in bed, to calm down, and Joey is pinching her way through getting what she wants. The closets are screaming to be warmed with cooler weather clothes, the list made, with yesterday's clear head, of website work, is trying to scoot his way up the priority list, being a 'need.to.do.right.now' attitude, and when exactly was the last time I cleaned out the microwave? I'm working on being 'here', accomplishing the tasks at hand, level headed, and less anxious, while not rushing through this moment, to the next…
'breath in, and know I'm breathing in" …
Here's to giving 'now' a go…Friday, morning coffee cheers, to the start of a Nothing Weekend!