The last few days have had an underlining chill to them. The day's breeze is cool and night's air light and fresh. Hoodies have replaced tank tops and the summer shorts have gradually lengthened into capris. Surprisingly, I'm ok with this. My resistants to cooler weather is usually meet with an instant denial, but not this time around. One thing this summer has awaken me to is, as much as I don't want summer to end and perfer winter to stay at bay, the transition is happening… whether I like it or not.
Kind of like, Wesley growing up.
I've been more than resistant to the fact, that while my baby boy's getting older, the boundaries I so badly want to keep him in, are getting to confided, for a boy who wants to explore, the world he is becoming more aware of each day.
I want to keep him my baby, but he's not, and I'm not doing either of us any favors by ignoring that fact.
And with his first maiden voyage, on his only hand brake capable bike , across a quiet road, often traveled on to fast, down a lonely dirt road, with unsuspecting roots, he left his Mumma behind. I would be lying if I said, my heart didn't instantly feel hollow, as I watched him from the porch, without me by his side, doing his thing. He wasn't gone more than 5 minutes, but the amount he grew within them, swelled my heart just as quick.
With the simple crossing of a road, we've unexpectedly crossed into a new level of explored independence and building trust, simultaneously bettering us both. I'm warming up to the idea and a little embarrassed about the fact, that I have to do so much work at keeping the resistance of letting go, held back. It might have something to do with my deep desire to always be in control. At the reigns to always steer around the trouble, heart ache, and disappointment. Carrying the brunt of all that's bad for my kids, to allow them to soak up only the best of all that is good.
So we're on a new leg of our journey, while some are welcoming the unexplored realm that comes with the territory of being Eight years old, others are doing what they can to hold back the initial urge of resistance to all that is too quickly shifting…
whether I like it or not.
(just for the record… I don't like it)