Tuesday, November 30

Getting My Fix

Confession time.
Here's a little secret that might catch some of you off guard considering my mostly consistent up-beat self....*takes a hard swallow* .....I.love.to.cry... There I said it. It's out, and there is no taking it back now.

I'm not talking about a depressing, no one talk to me, I'm wallowing in self pity, type of crying. It's just an innocent ball my eyes out until I have stuttered breathing and have a hard time seeing because I want to, type of crying. You're not alone in thinking how weird this is, or even contradicting in so many levels to my personality.  Nate thinks I'm crazy (even though he has never outwardly accused me, I see his eyes rolling or the extra stiffness that comes into his neck when he hears the sniffles start, attempting to resist the urge to look at me with those "are you serious" eyes, -that's right Nate, I see it!-). And why wouldn't he!

We rate my Thursday night Grey's Anatomy viewing, by how many tissues I used during the hour long episode (and I'm always disappointed when there are no tears shed). I have Netflix movies I know are tear jerkers on reserve, and I always have a Nicholas Spark's book on hand for when I need to get my crying fix. Could I be so bold to call myself a crying junkie? Like a junkie, I portion out my stash to last me as long as it can, unsure of when I might get my next fix.

Well Ladies and Gentlemen... I HAVE HIT THE MOTHER LOAD BABY and I'm loving every tear rolling, tissue dabbing, heart wrenching, swollen eyed minute of it!!

While talking with a friend about my quest for the 'quilt of perfection', Hannah brought up a blog she followed of a woman who had just posted about her own personal quilt quest.  While examining the quilt, Hannah mentioned how she really loved this blog and how the writer was a photographer who posted beautiful pictures, as well as writing about her daughter who was born with Down syndrome. Of course my interest was peeked at the mention of beautiful pictures, and the quilt was more like what I was looking for than anything I had found myself, but assumed the site was one of those coping with Down syndrome support blog site, I've come to expect from "message bloggers".

Taking full advantage of the lull that follows the day after Thanksgiving, I dug in my heels and scoured the internet for all quilt related sites. With quilt patches and patterns spinning my head, I fully intended to open the blog Hannah had shown me, Kelle Hampton's blog Enjoying The Small Things ,and use the picture I had seen of the quilt, as a reminder to myself my efforts weren't wasted.  Distracted by the beautiful pictures of beautiful children, it didn't take me long to be drawn into the beauty of her writing as well.

I started with "The Birth Story of Nella" and had to stop half way through because tears were draining from my eyes at such a rate I wasn't able to see. Regaining myself a few hours later I finished the story with chest heaving type breathing and scrolled back to the top to suffer the beauty of it again. Since then I've started reading from publication one, with the story of Nella's birth in the back of my head, I read Kelle Hampton's stories which are filled with life and possibility, excitement and energy, unaware of the unexpected, yet beautiful, turn her life will take.

I'm a little ashamed I lumped this blog in with all the other in your face blogs that are great in their way of causing awareness of the matters that are most important to them, but often have an abrasive tactic that can be off putting to others.

This blog is so much more. The writing is beautiful, expressing things I never in my life, would be able to compose in writing. The pictures are real and raw, capturing life in it's moment (I'm so jealous). It's about "sucking the marrow out of life" and really enjoying the small things.

A literary treasure indeed.....
It's amazing.
It's gold.
And better yet it's my ultimate, never going to run dry, fix.

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